If not now, when?

WARNING: DO NOT READ IF GORY DETAILS DISTURB YOU.
Go watch a Disney movie instead.


I lost the mucous plug today, which means different things apparently according to whom you talk to. Some say labor will begin in 1 to 2 days. Some say a couple of weeks. Some say call your doctor immediately, while others say wait it out.

My baby has shifted to the left and down. My belly looks different to me. My insides feel different. Like I have to poop, but there's nothing there. Like there's a tiny knife poking out of my vagina. It sounds more painful than it is. Really, it's just curious and uncomfortable.

Lila has been significantly more active today. Busy as a bee in there. I don't feel as awful as I usually do. I still don't feel "normal," but I'm not sure I expect to feel that ever again.

My body looks strange to me. I rarely take showers anymore unless I do some serious sweating. On the rare occasion I do take a shower, like today, I take my time and analyze the changes that have taken place. With Maya, I only had one stretch mark and it happened right at the end. This time, probably because I've gained more weight, gone further into pregnancy, and have a larger baby in me, I have what appear to be these two hot pink leafless trees growing up my abdomen (if you can call it that because it is very round these days).

I waddle when I walk. I can barely get up off the floor. I have to push myself to the edge of a seat to get out of it. I literally roll out of bed, and I even hit the step the wrong way the other day and almost fell on my belly.

I don't take stairs without holding firmly to the rail. I don't really like to drive the car because it's hard to turn around and check behind me. Reaching the stereo is a challenge. Closing the door from the inside is borderline torture.

None of this is new to moms who have experienced it before, but it is all new to me. I don't really know what to expect from water breaking and labor pains. Maya was born within 6 hours of having labor induced. The pain was shocking and excruciating - one minute I felt fine, the next minute, I was in utter agony. I'm not saying I want a natural birth this time, but I do want something a little closer to it.

Here's hoping I only have to wait a couple more days rather than a couple more weeks.