An open letter to my mother

Dear Momma,

I miss you. I pray for you almost every night and think of you fondly every day. I really wish we had had more time together. I had hoped you'd get to see my girls grow up.

I am confident now that you are in a better place - a place where you can continue to grow and learn in a way I can barely fathom. I am truly happy for you. I thank you for the life you gave me, for the sacrifices you made for me. I hope I can do the same for my girls.

You know daddy, Robert, Jean, and I barely talk anymore. With the exception of dad, I have little knowledge of what goes on in my siblings' lives. You always told me what they were doing whether I wanted you to or not. You were always the one who kept your own siblings together.

I know you wanted the three of us to be closer. I'm not sure why it has not been possible. The closest the three of us EVER were was while you lay dying last August. It was as if we all had one mind when it came to you and very little else in common.

I hope you are spending time with your baby brother. I miss Uncle Ed, too. He was the coolest of the three of you. You were the strongest and John was the weakest. It seems strange he is the only one left, but Doris needs him. Perhaps he will grow stronger for her now.

I love you very much, and I truly hope we can be together again soon in a more perfect world.

Love,
Dawn


A poem for her

I told you all about
the dirty little secrets
I hid in my bones
kept buried deep in the recesses
of my being.

I dragged them out one by one
from the shadows and placed them
before you:
My shame, my fear, my failings.

You looked upon them, nodded,
brushed a thoughtful finger over the dust
wrapped them tenderly in your arms.

All the while you looked me in the eyes
Your smile never faltered
That knowing, lopsided smile.

You placed my dirty secrets in
the waste bin and said,
"All is forgiven."
Then,
"What do you plan to do now?"

All the years I trembled
fearing your reaction, your
disappointment in me.
How very foolish of me.
You who have known me inside and out
all my life
in whose body my soul first sought refuge
As if my silly flaws could
escape the notice of a loving
mother.

Because you taught me to never
go to bed angry;
to tell the truth no matter how painful;
to love unconditionally, and, that,
in the end,
family is all you have.