5 Reasons I Am Still Here

1. Facebook. Within a few hours of posting about my misery, and my friends - old and new, near and far - rush to offer me support, guidance, and love. They uplift me with their courage and faith in my ability to overcome adversity. They tell me stories about what worked for them when pregnancy got rough. They follow up one and even two days later! One friend leaves the conversation altogether because she hasn't the strength or faith to give support right now. And, that's okay. Another friend calls me on the phone (!) and we talk about "stuff." I feel almost human again.

2. My cell phone. Calls and texts to mothers and mentors ground me back in the present reality and let me know I will not be alone through this. Together we are formulating a plan. It will be up to me to implement it. Today, I'm confident I can. I won't yet worry about tomorrow.

3. My husband. Making jokes, tickling me, and telling me ridiculous stories about random people he meets, he attempts to usher me back into our family life, our daily routine, and the love we share. He takes her majesty out and about so I can rest. He listens when I tell him I am so exhausted I cannot go on, and he takes action. Shortly thereafter, he passes out on the sofa at 8 o'clock.

4. My daughter. Her presence; her laughter; her hugs and kisses; the tender way she says, "Mommy;" all of her mannerisms, creativity, and, yes, even her tantrums, ground me back to reality. She (literally) wakes me to the present moment several times a day.

5. My brain. The new med schedule and slightly increased dose has evened out the ups and downs. Even one week makes a huge difference. The research I've done using a lactation app has given me new insight into and comfort for the effects my medications will have on my baby. Signing up for a Mental Health During and After Pregnancy class in a few weeks will help give me further guidance, resources, and strategies to cope with and make our first weeks together memorable and loving.

Today is a good day.