Separate Sleep, or Insomnia

I wrap my right hand around my left thumb
Curled under the pillow.
My right foot seeks the cooler spot
On the opposite side of the bed.

I count from 1 to 100, then back again.
Then again.
And again.
As many times as it takes.

My earplugs squish and mute the noise
Beyond the midnight shelter of my bed.

My child sleeps sprawled
Next to my curled up cat.
One is only 3
The other, 13.
Neither is aware of the efforts I am making
To join them.

Sleep is the refuge of a war-torn mind and
The birthright a calm mind naturally claims.

I struggle to end the skirmish of thoughts that
Skitter around the landscape
Of my psyche.

Even in sleep, I am unconsciously conscious.
My brain continues to process
Information in slow snippets.
Images burst and fade,
Feelings contend with facts
Bombards me with potential solutions, and
Races to the start
Of a new day.

This prostrate activity is called dreaming.

My father once studied the scientific 
Nature of the sleeping, dreaming brain.
I have the sleepy, dreamy blanket as proof.
It attempts a subliminal message
With the repetition of a single word:
"Sleep,"
But I can't read with my eyes shut.
 
I remember every night of sleep
Tainted by the percussive rhythms of this 
Sequence of imaginative thoughts. 
I do not recall a time before 
My dreams.

This child, this feline -
Do they dream?
My cat snores.
My daughter kicks and starts.
Their muffled speech
Slips into
My ever-conscious mind.

Their murmuring eyes do not imitate peace;
They beckon, compel me to join
In this communal slumber.
Bodies colliding with that gentle,
Rhythmic breathing
That barely flutters the covers.

On this side of the bed, I count
Hope to miss a beat
Eager to press my head into 
This tete-a-tete
Of joyous silence.

I try not to study my surroundings
In the sunlight of my mind, but
My eyes strain in darkness, 

I know the battle is won when
I falter in my count;
My slack-jawed, jerk-and-start body
Finally folds into silence;
Slips separately upon A long and understated breath.

The images burst and fade behind closed doors -

I dream and thus
I sleep.