Sunday, December 23, 2012

On Grief and Loss

When a loved one dies, our reactions are immediate

Some react with cries, wails, sobs, or
Shocked silence in which all reactions then become internal.
Others are angry
Angry with the deceased, the disease, the doctors
Angry at themselves
Angry at the situation, circumstances, the unfairness they perceive.
Some deny the facts in front of them.

Grief is a deeply personal process
Each person experiences it differently.
The commonly accepted Stages happen for each individual in their own time,
On their own terms.

Offer kindness, support, comfort, and love to the grief stricken. 
Your advice is not necessary.
Encourage them to talk
Listen actively
Reserve all judgments, criticisms, and destructive remarks.
Rather empathetically share your own experiences with grief
And help the suffering lay a plan for their personal process.
Realize there is no set period of time for grief
No deadline by which we reach it's end.

Walk with them hand-in-hand through anger, denial, depression, and bargaining.
Love through all.
Tend the wound.

Celebrate their acceptance whenever it comes.
Accept that, while scars heal, the marks they leave cannot be lost.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Resurrection

The recent tragedies in my family have created a wall
Erected internally from the depths of feelings
 direct descendants of their ancient predecessors,
 originally constructed to protect me from the agony of betrayal: 

those who betrayed me

those I have betrayed

These walls protect me for a time against the perceived threat.
When the threat no longer threatens, 
And there is only me
Like the ever forward movement of t i m e
My walls succumb to the force of Nature.

Some would say these walls are unnecessary
They do more harm than good. 

I disagree. 

The only harm comes when the walls cannot be breached -

The betrayals; the tragedies are real enough.
My soul can only take so much.

The tragedies; the betrayals are real enough.
For all of us...old souls and kindred spirits.

As the walls of my citadel crumble 
Inevitably
by the elements of Nature
I do not merely emerge "like a butterfly,"

In fact, I
Struggle to disentangle my newly formed body
Explore my new shape and abilities
Push through the crumbling walls that encased me
With my new found strength.

I do not immediately begin to rebuild.
I wait. I observe.

Observe using all my available faculties.

Observe. Wait.

Open my eyes; set off on a new course,
One that befits the change in my psyche -
My new life path.

The walls stay with me metaphysically.
A blueprint for my future travails.
My mind knows there will be future tragedies;
Future betrayals.

I will be prepared for the inevitable.

I will do all I can.

I will enter my sanctuary confident that I will rise again-
As the butterflies do.
As the phoenix does.
As Jesus did.
As Buddha,
As Ghandi.

All good things come to an end
So do their counterparts.

This knowledge, this faith, is strangely comforting.

I will one day emerge
Stripped of betrayals and tragedies
Stripped of metaphysical walls
And I will flow confidently
Into eternity.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Black-and-white

There is always something new to do
There is always something new to learn,
To be, to say, to have.
Only always never happens
And never always wins
Because I am complacent
Because I am comfortable,
Tired, stressed;

There's always some excuse:

I never get what I want.

I'm not who I always wanted to be.
 
I'll never get there. I'll always be stuck here.

There is no such thing as always 
Nor is there a never -

There is no such thing as black and white,
And, yet, there often is.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Modern Women

We modern women wear our badges of honor
with all the pride and sometimes pomp of 
Scout or 
soldier.

Gold rings on our fingers are the symbols of 
our greatest accomplishments. 

Class rings with 
 Dates 
  gems 
   symbols

Lockets with photos of our precious babes
Daily dangling at our throats
Gently tumbling between breasts that nurse no longer
But remind us of that sweet time when they did
And of the intensity of the love, pleasure, and pain
That only a breastfeeding mother can know
Regardless of how long that time lasted,
Whether five weeks, five months, or five years.

Wedding rings that we often think can symbolize 
what we hope to or in fact have accomplished:
The stronger, more expensive the band, 
the stronger the marriage
The higher quality the diamond,
The higher the quality our relationship
The cut of the diamond; an expression of 
individuality, 
character, and 
temperament.

Signature pieces of jewelry that note our 
independence from social norms
Whether these are bracelets, bags, photos, electronics, 
Pedicures, manicures, hairstyles, colors,
Clothes,
Shoes!

We have another badge, too.
Our names speak volumes to you.
We honor our mothers, fathers, husbands, children, families
We change our names
We hyphenate
We incorporate
We relinquish
We punctuate with letters
Meaning we are 
 Learned
  Professional
   Experienced
    Proud.

What's in a name?.....An identity.

We have paper badges, too:
Degrees,
 Certificates,
  Resumes,
   Records,
    Licenses,
     Documents,
      Decrees...
       Manifestos.

We have fabric badges, too.
Our scarves we drape around our necks
Regardless of the weather
Our scarves we tie with fumbling grace 
Covering our hair, 
Covering our faces, 
entwined with the tendrils of our hair you like so much to
Run your fingers through or
Grab and pull
When you take your pleasure.

We are modern women.

We are more than 53%.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Metamorphosis. Evolution. A new normal.

I have found a place
Inside
Where 
I can be slow
I can be
Me
The essence of me
Uninhibited
And carry this over to
My waking life.

To marry the voices in my mind
Mother to daughter. Plus me. Equals. Dawn.

Marry the woman I hold dear.
In answer to the question: Where is she?

She is me. We are one. We do not merely coexist. We have survived.

We have heard your advice. We accept your counsel. We analyze, incorporate
We become

Envy does not have to become hate. 
Embrace your envy. 
Create your success.

Rephrase the question, "Will I ever be...."
To "This is how I will be."
Know what it is you wish to be
Realize wishing is not an action. It is just a verb.

Accept that sacrifices will be made. Only those you are able to give
Unless your loved ones love you enough to give as well.

You are never alone. 
Their voices and your mind created you.

Do what must be done
Or choose a different fate.